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You can’t miss Dermatique MedSpa in Danvers, where signs in the window shout: no pain laser lipo! as seen on dr. oz! Those displays are referring to Zerona, a new, FDA-approved fat treatment that slims “without diet or exercise,” using a low-level laser that deflates fat cells. Six treatments set you back $1,299.

I’m a sucker for a miracle treatment, and apparently, I’m not alone: Since it began offering Zerona in May, Dermatique—owned by Beverly internist Nathalie Majorek, M.D.—has treated more than 50 clients who’ve lost an average of five to six inches each. Though Zerona is hyped as effort-free, there are certain rules: clients must promise to eat healthy, exercise at least 30 minutes a day, and cut out alcohol and caffeine for the duration of the treatment. And it’s not for the seriously overweight: The ideal client has 10 to 20 pounds to lose. “With other weight loss programs, like cleanses, you’re often losing fluid and muscle,” says Majorek, a slim internist who shed an inch from her own waist after six sessions. She typically recommends nine to 12 for clients 35 and older, like me: “The older you get,” she says, “the more the fat that’s been there a while wants to stick around.”

For 40 minutes, I lie on a table in disposable undies while five lasers beam directly at my outer and inner thighs. Clients choose an area of the body where fat loss has historically been difficult, though Majorek says that most lose weight all over. The sessions are remarkably boring, but painless. After six, I’ve lost an inch from my waist and back, a half-inch from my mid-abs, a quarter inch from my hips, and three quarters of an inch from each thigh. Zerona totals this up to a 4.5-inch weight loss, which seems a little like fuzzy math to me and my still-snug jeans; it’s also worth not-ing that the lasered spot fared no better than any other. Still, it’s less than what I walked in with.

Is Zerona the miracle treatment we’ve all been waiting for? Maybe, maybe not. Chances are, two weeks of daily exercise, healthy eating, and teetotaling would alone result in change. But perhaps the fact that you’re forking out $1,299 means you’re less likely to cheat. Which, as every dieter knows, is half the battle. 1 Elm St., Danvers, 978-777-5110.